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The Colbert Report/Episode/585
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * combed his hair with his pen and filled in some of the thinner spots * Mark Sanford's fact finding trip to Argentina ** found the fact that he was cheating on his wife * email exposed Fox, Washington Times and The Wall Street Journal ** Olbermann mentioned Stephen's email * Stephen is angry that Olbermann ** Stephen is no gentleman * Stephen offered Sanford a stroke job * junk buffing ** he wouldn't have needed an Argentinian concubine ** Stephen demands Olbermann make him the Worst Person In The World * slap a baby with a puppy * Bush gave billions of AIDS funding to African countries SEGMENT2 * Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger * Wag at Leon Panetta ** revealing, then shutting down secret CIA program * Tip to Texas Board of Education ** approved creation in science class ** teach Christianity in History class *** the fall of Saigon was Paul Lynde's fault! * Tip to Straight Penguins ** Harry left Pepper for Linda *** proves that it's not natural to be gay; it's natural to be bi SEGMENT3 * there is a war raging in America on guns ** they have no way to defend themselves * New Jersians are limited to buying one gun per month! ** Lautenberg proposed a bill to prevent terrorists from having guns * Ginsberg will have to give up her gatling gun ** go back to killing with her hands * Tennessee made it legal to carry a gun into a bar * remembering a Difference Maker ** Representative Doug Jackson *** he's a hero to Dr. Colbert Interview * Douglas Rushkoff ** book: "Life Inc.: How the World Became a Corporation and How to Take It Back" * believes corporations run the world, Stephen will put him in the Bud Light Lime Hot Seat! * he has a beef with corporations ** he doesn't like that everything is thought of in corporate terms * a corporation published his book ** and bring goo things to life! * they crowd out every other activity * making love is a drain on the GDP ** when we don't spend, we hurt the economy * if everyone gets cancer, the GDP goes up * started in the Renaissance ** as long as Stephen is crowned King ** rich people started corporate charters * wants to go to pre-Renaissance period * our money is valueless * stop outsourcing our consumption to Wall Street, etc * consumptionism is buying things we don't want or need * Dr. Colbert makes money when he is sleeping, he has a web cam on Watchmenap.com http://watchmenap.com Epilogue * Dr. Colbert reminds us that no man is a failure who has friens ** unless his friends are failures Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments